why should we settle?

You finally found him! Congratulations! Your Mister Right has arrived! Now you will live happily after. Or not. Depending on how willing you are to assume the traditional female role in this relationship.

 

I am not a man-hating kind of feminist, I am not an oppressed woman forced to do house chores, that's not the case. In fact, I am one of the lucky few whose boyfriends every now and then actually vacuum or wash the dishes. So I should not complain right? Well, not exactly.

 

I recently moved in with my boyfriend. After the initial few months of enjoying our new flat and helping me (to certain extent at least) to keep it nice and clean, my man decided he's got better things to do on a weekend than help me out. I let it slip one weekend. Then the second weekend passed. I started getting irritated. Why am I who's coming back from work later than he is and who travels so much for work that I end up with 60 hour weeks expected to clean? Why do I have to come back to a dirty flat where my dear beloved marked his territory with socks, mugs, and all kinds of items? I don't get it. As a woman, my natural instinct is to make the space nice for the other person. Each time I make it home before he does, I feel the need to spruce it up a bit, so that we can enjoy our environment. Do men lack that gene? Do they love filth or is it a matter of not taking the other person into consideration?

 

What worries me even more is that from the sound of things, I am not an isolated case. Women across the world hope that their "partner" will truly participate in the housework and like in partnership split it 50:50. And one by one they finally give in. We decided that in the end of the day it's either our sanity or a fair relationship and we resort to the role we played for centuries. Except that when women stayed home and were supported by men at least they had time to do all that. Now after a full-time job to pay your (equal by the way) share in rent we're expected to have another full-time position of a cleaner and housemaid. Why?

 

Why do women prefer to give in to something that is truly unfair and should not exist in the country where both sexes have equal rights than to stand their ground? Do we know on some level that if we don't we'll end up alone? And if so, why are we so scared of solitude? I read somewhere recently that the term "spinster" used to have a positive meaning. It was to denote women in Medieval times who did not have to marry for money as they could spin so well that they could provide for themselves. Now the term became women's most feared noun, something we are terrified of defining us. We may have careers, money, independence, but when it comes to men we still have that pressing conviction that a woman without a man is incomplete. Maybe that's why we resign ourselves to roles we don't want to play and then convince our daughters and son's that "hey, that's life" and "someone has to do this".

I'm sorry to say this but if a man leaves you because you stood up to him or because you refused to follow the society's unreasonable expectations then he wasn't the partner you deserved. If a man is not helping out at home exactly as much as you are then he's not a true man to start with. I can't change the world but I have the right to shape my little world the way I please. And I refuse to give in.

Pancake Mission

With the return of the sunshine I make a reappearance. After few months of very little faith in the power of my writing I decided that this Spring season fear is no longer in fashion. So here I am. Again. You haven't truly fallen down as long as you can still get up ;)

I would like to tell you a little story. About pancakes.

Just over two weeks ago the HR Director at work replied to an email I sent months earlier. In my email, I shared with her a few ideas regarding charity events our office could get involved in. To my surprise I received an email saying "great idea. You are now in the charity committee". Charity committee? I didn't even know we had one! Nor was I aware of being in the running for a seat...

With my new social status the responsibility (and reason) kicked in. After all, having presented a few ideas I now had to deliver. "Hmm...a healthy picnic to celebrate the first day of the Spring could work out - except that I was in a training that day. Ooops. Next idea. Easter events wouldn't work either since I am away most of April...Think Brain, think!       

 PANCAKE DAY!

I can organize a pancake day in our office! Pancakes are so cheap to make and everyone loves them! This is a foolproof idea!". Yes. If you have more than just 5 days to put the event together. And if you have any clue how to put together a fundraising event. Or can make pancakes for that matter...

And yet, something was telling me it could work. I just had to give it all my attention and will. Luckily motivation is not difficult to find when you know the money you're raising can save lives.

You see, when I moved to my current address I met someone who works for Oxfam. Although I admit that I used to be sceptical about large charities since I started getting all the "inside" stories from my housemate, I realized what an amazing and difficult job these guys are doing. And I wanted to be a part of it.

I got in touch with a lovely girl looking after a few of Oxfam's projects who turned my attention to Mother Appeal, a programme empowering mothers across Asia and Africa. Having seen the work Oxfam does from up close I knew that the money my pancakes would raise could actually change someone's life. And what can be more motivating than a perspective that just a few days of your work might mean that somewhere in the other corner of the world a family would not starve anymore? or that some woman will have courage to start her own business and send her child to university? All that potential from just few pancakes! It was a really tempting perspective. So tempting in fact that I decided to try.


The 4th of March, the official pancake day, was getting closer and closer. I figured out I would need around 120 pancakes, going for £2.50 each, if I wanted to raise £300. But would people pay £2.50 for a pancake? I knew they pay even more for a crepes in restaurants or from street creperies, but somehow my knowledge of psychology and experience were telling me that people will not be willing to pay this much for homemade pancakes, even for a charity. I put the price down to £1.50. But what about the rest of the money?!? I needed to think again. I thought of a raffle.

With the little time remaining till the Pancake Day, I was left with no choice but to use the resources I had at hand. I first thought of anyone I know who could provide any "raffable" goods. Except for a boyfriend of my work colleague who was kind enough to provide us with a free massage for the lucky winner, and a few cosmetics from another friend, I did not have many options. But when life closes the door, you need to break in through the window ;)

I spent my Monday evening going from one local restaurant to another, stopping also in some cinemas on the way and a little spa. And I was shocked how willing people were to help! A few restaurants provided vouchers for dinners for two, another place offered free drinks; even the spa got involved and offered a deep relaxation massage. All I had to do was ask!

With the great raffle prizes (and a restored faith in humanity) I was almost ready for the pancake extravaganza. 2 hours into the night and many pancakes later, I nearly started to believe that this fundraiser could actually work.

Lowering down the price of the pancakes was definitely a good idea as it drew more "customers" and thus the attention. Thanks to the buzz around the pancake station in the morning I could then just leave out the donation's box next to the price list and attend to the demands of what turned out to be a very busy working day. By the lunchtime I had over £150! and the day was not finished just yet! Raffle turned out to be a spot on idea. With a single ticket costing £1 and with special "deal" of 5 tickets for £3 or 10 for £5 we sold almost 400 tickets. Sure, my colleague and I had to personally speak to almost one hundred people in my office, each time explaining the prices and prizes (sadly only few people were actually interested in the cause the money was supporting). But we raised over £200 in just one hour. The rest of the money came from the website I created for donations from external partners or friends, and from the few afternoon sugar cravings. At the end of the day my little metal box contained £394! At that point I thought my happiness could not have been higher, but life was about to pleasantly surprise me.

Every time I stay at work late I see a young Muslim woman who cleans our office. We would exchange a few pleasantries and engage in a quick small talk, but I knew very little about her and she knew even less about me. The day before the Pancake Day I stayed late to set up the tables in preparation of my pancake station. For the first time we had an actual conversation. It turned out she was a supporter of a few charities herself and became very interested in our fundraiser. On Tuesday, after our pancake success, I saw her again. She asked how much we've raised and  if she could take the last few pancakes for her brother. We only had two of them left and I had closed my little "pancake bank" by that time, so I told her to just take whatever was still there for free. You can imagine how touched I was to find the £6 next to the empty plate? This woman decided to give half of what she was getting that evening to a charity!

So we raised £400 in one day. It was then matched by our company. And further doubled by the UK government. Just by eating pancakes and trying our luck in a raffle my colleagues made a donation of £1600! This has bought over 900 bars of soap for areas where personal hygiene can save your life. It bought training to dozens of women, making them realize what rights they have as humans. It bought tons of seeds and tools to end famine. All that from a few people frying a few pancakes.

Think about all the pancakes you've eaten throughout your life. Think about the change you could make. Just think. And start helping. Because we've got more power to make a difference than we could ever imagine.

"To wear or not to wear"- the pointless debate

A friend of mine send me today a really interesting article about hijab: http://aveilandadarkplace.com/2013/08/03/the-hijab-suppression-and-objectification-part-one/  I personally never had a very strong opinion on hijab - I didn't grow up in a country where women wore it but could understand the rationale behind it, still, to me it always felt like a personal choice that a woman should make based on her own comfort, beliefs and will, not something to be influenced by the family or society. But hijab is not what I want to discuss here, because in my opinion, hijab, just like any other piece of women's clothing should not be the focus of a debate. We should not read articles written by women discussing what we can or can't do to appear modest, we should not debate whether hijabs or bikinis of this world are supression or freedom to women.The topic of the debate should be men.

Recent years seen a growing number of discussions about women being objectified. We went from suffragettes fighting for voting rights for women to high hills and skimpy dresses that became the attributes of today's "independent" women who allegedly want to be seen as equal to men. And so we have women with cigarettes, women holding bottle of beer, women driving, women in the workplace, we have female firefighters, soldiers and police officers. We have women in sports and space, engineering and education. You can make it to the top in any way you want, but as you're on your way there what men and media seem to be interested in, is your fashion sense or the clevege to waist ratio. Is that freedom or are we still sexual objects? And more importantly, whose fault is it?

Women and men are both equally responsible for the state of matters, but sadly it is mostly female voices that can be heard in the debate about women's rights. Men like to talk about women's responsibilities better. There's a certain degree of hypocrisy among men of this world- none of them would like to see their mother, sister or daughter dressed like a "whore", attracting the horny thoughts of men out there. They wouldn't want some guy to think of "fucking" their sister/daughter/cousin but when they see a pair of nice breasts, slim legs or a nice ass walking past they don't see a person, they see just that. And instead of feeling ashamed they either exchange sexist comments with their friends or condemn the woman for wearing "provocative" clothing. Dear men, can you really not see any hypocrisy in that?

Ladies, you are not free from blame though. I am not saying that we should never wear anything revealing, all I'm saying is that you should ask yourself WHY you're wearing the short skirt you chose. Is it because it is summer and it's just practical, is it because it is the most comfortable piece of clothing you have, or is it because you know that exposing your legs will make men look at you and thus increase your sense of self-worth? Would you be wearing this low-cleveage if you were home alone because it makes you feel great or do you only put it on as you go out to see other people and get their admiration? Are your long skirt and loose blouse on you because you really want to wear them or did you put them on "not to provoke" anyone? Do you really love those pastel colours or were you lead to belive that this is what girls should like? Do you wear your clothes for YOU or to get men's attention/friend's jealousy/society's respect? Sadly we still live in times where family, religion and society still a very clear idea of what a woman should be. A man can be whoever he wants to be, however he wants to be, wherever he wants to be. A woman is SUPPOSED to be: delicate/well-manared/caring/loving/soft-spoken/family-oriented/a good wife/ a good mother. Yes, she can work, yes she can get education, pursue her passions, just as long as she does that in the gentle, feminine way, holding a baby in one arm and cooking a meal for her tired husband. If she doesn't follow these guidlines, so long happiness, farewell family life, because men want "a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom". Or at least that's what we are being taught.

And men? Men are lead to belive that their mission in life is to get a gorgeous woman, become successful and have a son (all that with a bottle of beer in their hand and a bunch of guys kicking a ball in the background). Media teaches both men and women alike that men have only three true interests: sport, cars and women. What happened to the old-times where men actually pursued politics, knew about art, discussed literature? I refuse to believe that men so easily and willingly sacrificed their moral values and interest in the world for sex and football. I fail to accept that after thousands of years of evolution men are back to fighting (the substitute of which is sport) and spreading their genes. But I do believe the current culture and media reinforce those primitive urges, just like they reinforce the few clearly defined roles a woman can hold in the society.

If we were raising children to see themselves and others as a person, not a boy or a girl, Christian or Muslim, Black or White, perhaps we would have a society where people don't have to follow their lables, where people had a bit deeper interests that fashion, clubbing and TV. Call me naive, but I believe that if we were encouraged from the beginning to pursue hobbies, do rather than watch sports, read, learn out of curiosity not necessity, maybe this world would be a little less sexist and instead of discussing bikini-or-burqa both men and women would direct their energy to helping fight poverty, inventing a cure for cancer or solving the crisis in Syria.

The Returned

The events of the last three months taught me two things above all. One, if you are desperate (and determined) for a change, fate/coincidence/God will make sure your life turns upside down within days. Two, when it does, you will notice how easy it is to lose your priorities in the name of things you once considered secondary.

I used to talk about changing my job for a long time. I was not happy in my old role, I felt that my life was getting further away from my dream future with every day spent in that office. At the same time I felt immensly guilty-in this "age of unemployment" having a fairly paid job at an internationally recognized, vibrant and exciting company should have been a dream come true. And yet it wasn't. But I kept on waking up every morning to go to work, against myself and against something deep inside of me screaming "there has to be more to life". At the time however, the only alternative were problems at home. Finally, I snaped. The events in the office took an unexpected turn and I realized that I cannot sit there passively and wait for things to magically change by themselves. I started dreaming of change, craving it with every cell of my body, until I finally found the courage to decide to look for another job.

Changing career is much more difficult than we think. We tend to advise those who complain about their jobs to "just change it". True, you don't loose much just looking around and sending CVs, but when you finally go to an interview and get that dream offer, suddenly the fear starts knocking on your door. Am I making the right decision? What is the new place going to be like? Can I be sure that I will be happier in my new role? For most of my life I've always been the kind of person who welcomed change just for the sake of it, I traveled the world at the spur of a moment and moved countries without any hesitation, yet suddenly, I was terrified. After a sleepless weekend of weighing pros and cons of each of the options, I decided to accept the offer and move to a new city for a job that I wasn't exactly sure about. Reason? I knew my old situation far too well and I didn't want to hang around just in case a miracle happens and things become different. Simple as that.

So within a space of a week my world revolved 180 degrees- I was going to move out of my flat and move it with strangers for the first time in my life, I was to move to another city, different county even, to start a job I had very limited knowledge of except for it being in the sector which somehow "felt right" ever since. And as scary as that change was, there was not a single day I regreted my decision. I know it will sound cliche but I feel like a new person, like someone returned me the wings I lost a while ago. I cannot describe the joy of spending a truly relaxing Sunday as opposed to worrying already about the inevitably approaching Monday, or the feeling of lightness when you wake up each morning and you are happy to go to work instead of dreading to leave the bed.

There was a small price to pay for this change for the better, however. Whenever life starts spinning out of control and you feel like you're on a plane which is speeding downwards and then somehow you end up landing safely, you are likely to find that you lost creativity somewhere in that chaos. During the whole period of transition and getting in sync with my new life I found my brain occupied with so many practicalities, so many worries about building my social and personal life from scratch in a new place, learning loads of new things every day to meet the work requirements, that there was not much space left for creativity, for my writing, photography or dance. Suddenly I became a living example of Maslow's hierarchy of needs in practice.

 
If you are busy trying to satisfy your safety and belongingness needs, alongside building your self-esteem in the new workplace, your mind has no energy or motivation to move on to the next stage and pursue cognitive and aesthetic needs' gratification. It requires time to settle down in the new reality first before it allows you back on the road to self-actualization. So don't be hard on yourself. Don't be scared that you lost your creativity and motivation to work towards being the best version of yourself. Sometimes we need to let our destiny to be a bit creative before it's our time again.

Terraplane Sun

Have you ever missed being on a road, driving in the sun with your friends by your side, not worrying about anything? If the feeling of freedom and distance to every day’s problems is what you need right now, Terraplane Sun have what you need.

This young American band comprises of five great men: Ben Rothbard (vocals, harmonica and guitar), Johnny Zambetti (lead guitar and mandolin), Cecil Campanaro (bass), Lyle Riddle (drums) and Gabe Feenberg (piano, accordion and trombone).  The young fivesome released to date two albums: Coyote in 2011 and recently Friends. The latter, 2012, album features hits like “Get me Golden” and “Ya never know”.

Described by MTV as “somewhere between slap-happy bluegrass and gritty organic rock, with a tinge of soul and country occasionally thrown in for good measure”, Terraplane Sun take their listeners to sunny California, where they are free to move between upbeat sounds and thought-provoking lyrics.

I came across the band thanks to someone very dear to me, who got me absolutely hooked on “Ya never know”. That’s how I started listening to their new album, quickly realizing that Terraplane Sun are not just another rock band, but a group who with their real sound, great energy and Ben’s unique voice, deserves to make it to the top.  I thought to myself that I would like to be able to interview them, and driven by the motto “if you don’t ask, you won’t get it”, I found them on Facebook and sent them a message, asking if I could ask them a couple of questions. The below conversation is the outcome of it. Even though very brief, I think it gives a gist of what the guys are like. Meet Terraplane Sun.

A.C: I was doing a little research and found a quite which I think quite nicely summarizes the vibe of your albums: " a sound conveying a swampy southern delta feel as much as it does the California Sound of the 1960s". How would YOU describe your music? What does music mean to you?

B.R: The above is a good description. It's hard for us to describe our sound. It's a blend of so many influences, so we just call it rock n' roll, because at the end, that's what it's really all about. Music means everything to me. It's my life's blood.

Are there any bands or artists who especially inspired you at any point in your career? What sort of music do you enjoy the most?

I've been inspired and influenced by so many artists, that it's hard to single out one or two. I think the moment I realized that I wanted to really start playing music, was the first time I heard "Over The Hills and Far Away" by Led Zeppelin. I was 12 or 13, stoned and on a mountain top. Was a pretty powerful experience.

I must say that although I've really enjoyed both of your albums, "Ya never know" is what I constantly play on repeat. What is the story behind this song?

That's a song that Johnny and I wrote in my little home studio. It kind of just poured out. It's about the 1% who actually follow through with their dreams. Most people are driven away by fear, the 1 % slip through the gates.

Who came up with the name of the band? Does it have anything to do with the 80s British band, Terraplane?

I came up with the name. It has nothing to do with the British band Terraplane, haha. It's named after an old Delta Blues song called Terraplane Sun Blues, written by the legendary Robert Johnson.

How did the five of you meet? Can you tell me about the beginnings of your journey together?

We either knew each other or knew of each other. Johnny and I met working on a commercial and started jamming together. It was really natural from the beginning, so I called up Cecil, whom I'd played with in the past and the initial core was formed. Gabe and Lyle joined shortly after, both of whom were introduced to us by mutual friends. We're very fortunate that we all came together when we did and that everyone was available to start a new project.

What do you find most challenging in the music industry? Was there anything in particular that surprised you or that you didn't anticipate?

The music industry is only a vehicle, for one to get their product out to the masses. If you make an amazing product, it will get out there. The cream always has and always will rise to the top.

How did you feel when you heard your song "Get me golden" featuring in the movie 21 Jump Street for the first time?

It's always a special feeling to hear one of your songs on TV or in a movie!

What is Terraplane Sun's dream? Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

To have a lifelong career. We hope to be one of the biggest bands in the world in 5 years.

And finally, something I need to ask as your London-based fan, are you planning a UK tour anytime soon?

We should be over there very soon, promise!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S7bEiRlu2E

same same but different?

I just finished watching something that everyone should see, something that should be a common knowledge by now but what because of human limitations and reluctance to acknowledge their own faults still remains an uncomfortable truth.

BBC Four documentary on the history of racism. This  three-episode series  is a real eye opener that makes you realize how little we know, or perhaps want to know, about racism and its origins. In the 21st century we like to believe that we managed to create a racially equal society, where everyone has equal access to education and deserves respect. But have you ever felt uncomfortable when a group of young black men passed you on a dark, empty street? Would you be happy if your child married someone whose skin colour is different than yours? How ethnically and religiously diverse are the senior leaders of your company?

I moved to London with a naive idea that I will be living in a place where people of all countries, skin colours and religions live together in mutual respect, where a view of an interracial couple raises no eyebrows, where you get a job because of your ability not your skin colour. This is how London seemed to me during my first year of university. I had black students in my year, I had Indian friends, wherever I went I seemed to see perfect examples of a cosmopolitan utopia. Until I started looking closer.

Bhangra night in the Ministry of Sound- only Asians and me. University corridors- groups of Pakistani guys sticking together, groups of black girls chatting next to a group of white girls. You would see mixed-groups too, but somehow everyone tended to stick to those who looked like them. I guess from a social and evolutionary point of view it makes sense, people are naturally drawn to those who look and act similar to them and tend to subconsciously perceive those who are different as a potential threat. But that's a mechanism that worked in the old days when people lived in small tribes and they competed with other social groups over food. As far as I'm concerned, Tesco has now enough food for all of us. So why the fear?

The documentary doesn't provide an exhaustive answer to that question (don't think anything or anyone ever will), but it presents a thorough account on the limited thinking and flawed concepts that fed the racial atrocities and the wrongful feelings of white supremacy. It doesn't just talk about the apartheid in South Africa and lynches in the States however, it uncovers a whole load of evidence that most of us never hear about at school or in the newspapers.

Talking about the British imperialism, the westerners often seem to feel a sense of pride at the "success" of conquering a foreign land and making their society more "civilized". The "better" people helping the "lesser" people. American troops in Iraq, forced religious conversions, Australia's stolen generations. The assumption of superiority over another human being because of religious, cultural or racial difference is perhaps one of the greatest and most dangerous of the many delusions that we frequently practice. In Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment, Raskolnikov's inflated sense of grandeur leads him to murder. But hey, it's not really that bad because he got rid of an elderly woman, and after all he, the young man, needed the money more than someone who is "useless" to the society. In his brilliant novel Dostoyevsky shows us very clearly the tragic consequences of such flawed logic, and he warns us against the convictions of power and supremacy over others. He also shows what us humans became really great at- rationalizing our internal motives and applying complex theories to account for our demonic urges or inner fears. British settlers killing Native Americans, the atrocities conducted on the Aborigines, lynches in States less than a century ago,  3000 Namibians killed in the first German concentration camp of the Shark Island, holocaust. These are only a few examples of where radical ideas may lead.

Aside from fear, another crucial aspect to consider is the economy. A conviction that you are better than someone else because you were born with white skin and they weren't, allowed many people in the history to sacrifice human lives for profit. The British Raj lead to a death of 30 million Indians in the 19th century droughts because the financial gains were more important than the misery of those who contributed to them. The Africans were treated like a commodity,  kitchen robots of the old days. Who on earth gave us the right to sell another life? Why aren't we doing something about women sold for prostitution, children sold for labour? Human trafficking is no different to a modern day slavery.

We all allow for it to happen. We are all responsible. If you fail to acknowledge that you are no better than ANY other human being, if you think that people should marry into their own race, if you believe that women should serve their husbands, if you prefer to be treated by a doctor of your own skin colour, you are guilty of  racism. Skin colour is a result on 1 gene which decides about the level of melanin, a dark skin pigment. Differentiating on the base of race is the same as if you decided that people with a different eye or skin colour are inferior to you. It is time we all stopped labeling people based on their physical features and looked past their complexion or religion. We all deserve to be treated equal and we are all entitled to a respect from one another.

                   Success is knowing that because of you the world is a little better
                                                                                                                                           Michael Sneyd

Freedom

Freedom of choice. Something we like to talk about, something the westerners take for granted, something we still don't really have.

How free are you? Most of us would think about how we get to choose any career that we want, get a partner of our choice, we can travel and even choose the country we live in. But are we really as free as we believe?

The choices we make are hardly ever just ours. We tend to choose things we know or that are easily acceptable by the surrounding culture, our preferences are shaped by the places where we grew up and by the people who have played significant roles in our lives. We choose things because we are scared of the alternative or we convinced ourselves that our actions were rational and well thought through. But that's hardly ever true.

As much as I love the world we live in, I also see how wrong we got with some of the most important aspects of our lives. Let's look at career and education for example. Most of us are encouraged to choose their profession when they are young. We ask 5 year old what they want to become when they grow up, we urge teenagers to choose subjects at school that are most likely to land them the job they committed to at the age of 9. We like consistency and labels and we impose them on everyone else from their early beginnings. I've been always interested in many things and struggled when my parents and teachers tried to convince me to focus on one thing and excell in it. Because that's what people do, that's the requirement of the western success. To be the best at something. Not be fairly good in many things as long as you enjoy yourself, no, we want perfection. If a child likes to play piano, they will become a pianist, we will make him or her practice etiudes over and over again until they master them and if the kid is not enjoying it, it's because they don't understand the need for practice and they will thank us one day, when they've already become the next Beethoven. But maybe, just maybe, we should let some things stay fun?

I work full-time and after work I go to yoga, bellydance, dancehall, Spanish and French classes, read about photography, psychology and volunteer in a charity. I do it because I genuinely enjoy all these things. I didn't decide to sign up for them because I thought that it was a practical thing to do or because I was hoping that one day I will be able to wrap by leg around my neck or be the next Robert Capa. I don't need to be the best in either of them. What matters is that I'm doing something I enjoy and that I know that at the end of a long day at work I get to be myself, do something that is just for my own sake. It gives me the sense of balance, it means that my work or relationship doesn't define me. I'm happy doing these things because they're part of my element, they come to me naturally and it feels like everything is falling in the right place where I engage in these activities. Why should I give it up and focus on one, maybe two of them and strive for perfection? Will it make me happy? I doubt it.

Of course, there are many people out there who focus on only one of their passions and put all their energy into it, maybe for them there has always been just that one passion and they can't image life without it. If that's what they genuinely like and they do it because when they don't, it feels like a piece of them is missing, then I am really happy that they found their calling. I do believe that very often their devotion leads the to the top. However, in my opinion,  it is a fundamental error in our thinking and education to assume that people have only a certain talent, that you are either a humanist or a scientist, that if you like maths then you shouldn't excell in English literature. It's a very confined view on human abilities and potential.

It is also true for intelligence, we tend to see ourselves as somewhere on a scale, if we scored low in an IQ test we would start thinking that we are not as intelligent as we wanted to be and that as unfortunate as it is, there is nothing we can do about it. But who said so? Scientists? They've been wrong many times, they are only humans and while some experiments indicate one thing, there are usually a few that completely contradict it. But media and teachers like consistency so unless you start digging into the topic yourself you will be usually presented with just one side of the coin.

I was to focus on my studies, to become a psychologist. Then reality came along and since it's been difficult to find a job within my field, I am now expected to devote my life to my career. Just for the next few years that is, because eventually my life is to focus on the family. But even if you love your job and family, there always needs to be something that is just yours, that you like to do and perhaps have ability to do quite well. We don't need to follow the one role the society, family or friends have prepared for us. If you want true freedom, develop yourself in something that you enjoy doing and do it just for you, for the sheer joy of doing it. Thinking about living far away from anyone you currently know and having unlimited resources. If that was the case, what would you do? What do you REALLY enjoy doing, not what you were told you like, not what you were lead to believe is cool or useful.  Don't think only about the things that you are good at, if there is such thing and you love it, go for it, but if you learnt to do something really well but never really enjoyed it, then what's the point? Once you understand what constitutes your element, make sure you introduce it back into your life, sign up for the classes or find people with similar interest, just do something about it. And when you do, notice how nice it feels to choose to be yourself, to live your life not according to other people's standards and wishes, but to follow your own path. The majority is not always right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bdOTUocn5w